On The Road Again...

I am taking this show back to Phoenix for a little while. I need the sun. I need the heat. And I need the miles and miles and miles of freeways with photo radar. Oh, and the heat. Did I mention that I need the unbearable heat?

          Well, I guess the heat is not that bad. It is a dry heat. That is what I tell everyone. Like being trapped in a really big oven. Except there isn’t a door and the wind doesn’t even offer a respite from the endless heat because it feels like a slow moving hair dryer. But it least it gets me out of Kansas for a while and the way the Royals are playing, that might just be a good thing. Even if I can’t touch my steering wheel for ten minutes upon entering my car.

          The Royals have people freaked out. And that tells me a lot. If this were Phoenix, no one would care. Phoenix is a terrible sports town. Phoenicians only love their teams when they’re doing well. Or in the case of the Cardinals, never. Of course now everyone is a Cardinals fan and everyone has a Matt Leinart or Edgerrin James jersey and every season ticket is sold out for the upcoming season but as soon as they lost two in a row everyone will forget all about them.

Wait, this is a Royals column. I’ll have plenty of time to talk about the Cardinals later.

Kansas and the surrounding area are different from what I am used to. People care about their teams. I don’t think I’ve run into many people originally from here that aren’t Chiefs fans. They love their teams, through thick and thin. And people care about the Royals, even after they blow a six-run 1^st inning lead to extend their losing streak to 13 games. In fact, what the Royals did had not happened in 23 years.

Royals’ fans want answers. They want to know when things are going to get better. They want George Brett to reenact his memorable freak out, except this time do it to the GM and the owner and the manager and the trainer and the bat boy. Except I don’t think it is going to happen and they know this and yet they still yearn for this team to get better.

          In 1962, the New York Mets lost 120 games. That is the benchmark of futility in baseball. Detroit came close in 2003 when they lost 119 but then again Detroit is also the best team in baseball right now and the same players that lost all those games are the same one guiding them to 13 wins in their last 14 games. Currently, the Royals are 10-35. Only three teams in MLB history have had worse records than that through 45 games. The Mets aren’t one of them. Kansas City has won two games on the road out of 22. The Mets were 18-62 on the road in 1962. As of this point, the Royals are on pace to finish 36-126. They are playing so bad even Barry Melrose is ripping them.

          Here’s how the Royals compare to the 1962 Mets in some team stats. Now granted the Mets are figured over an entire season, but this is just a way of comparing for the time being:

          I don’t have a quick fix solution for the Royals. I do not have the time, energy, patience or sanity to try and fix that jigsaw puzzle. And I am not alone. Here is what 1B Doug Mientkiewicz said after blowing game 13: “I’ve kind of run of things to say. There’s really not that much to talk about.” This was after the same game where he, as a corner infielder, hit his first home run of the year. Of course, he probably doesn’t have too much to worry about since he’ll probably be traded in July to a contender. So will Reggie Sanders.

          This column doesn’t have much to offer to Royals fans. I feel bad for them. Well, not all of them. But I gotta believe that they’ll manage to avoid all-time futility. I hope. We all do. Having a team break that record is not what baseball needs with all the other negative aspects surrounding the game. There is still a lot of baseball to be played. The Chiefs have Herm Edwards now as their head coach and we all know how he feels about why you play the games. Just keep reminding yourself of that. At least you don’t have to deal with the heat. Well, I might be wrong about that too.

Thoughts:

• Classy move by Frank Robinson yesterday. I have been critical of him in the past but his response to having to pull Matt LeCroy from his catching duties in the middle of the inning was sincere. 

• Ok, so maybe I was slightly wrong about the NBA playoffs. Yes, I did make it through an entire game the other night and it was exciting. The Suns-Mavericks series should be epic. The league has the 2003 draft to thank for this. Maybe things are finally starting to change…

• But I still have some problems. All the excitement I saw could not have endured without the artificial noise being pumped over the action. Nothing is more exciting than having someone tell me when to chant “defense” or playing the latest hit rap song in the background so I don’t possibly hear the coaches barking out orders or the scuffling of feet on the hardwood. And of course, all that noise keeps me distracted from noticing all the traveling all the players do, though I am talking about the NBA and that really should not surprise me anymore at this point. Or the obnoxious “pump fake, get my opponent in the air and then jump into him as he’s coming down as if I am going to shoot and get the fouled called on him. Even though I jumped into him.” Yeah, the NBA. It’s FAN-tastic.

• The Sabres continue to amaze me. I love this team. And at this point, I might just be needed to suit up for them on defense.

• Hi, I don’t think I know you. Oh, you’re the Indy 500. Didn’t you used to be a premier American sports event?

• And I wouldn’t be the vain superstar I am without mentioning this.