Shea, it is so

Before I begin, I need to announce that I officially finished my master’s degree. The Star Wars jokes are endless.

       On to baseball.  And the only thing you should be talking about, well at least according to ESPN: the trade deadline. That, and Shea Hillenbrand. What a disaster! Once, during a Diamondbacks’ spring training game in Tucson, I begged, pleaded cajoled as loudly as possible for Shea to say it just once: Boston *****. He never did and I bet he regrets it now. He is the Alyssa Milano of our generation, sticking it out with his new fling for a while until he starts complaining that they don’t go out anymore, that they play the same teams all the time. So he’s off to San Francisco, where he won’t last because everyone is always talking about Barry Bonds and not him. It’s also official: any thoughts you might have even remotely entertained about Toronto making the playoffs should be over. Gayle and Oprah-rumor over. As you can tell I watched a lot of VH1 this weekend. Remember when they played different videos than MTV. Stuff like Wilson Phillips, Don Henley and Barbara Streisand.

          But on to the rumors:

• I don’t believe Alfonso Soriano. Washington would be the last place I would want to play. Well, maybe after November I might want to play. Hopefully.

• It would make the most sense, if he moves at all, that Barry Zito end up with the Mets. He would be reunited with pitching coach Rick Peterson, who mentored the ace during his CY Young season. Does that mean a noted free-spirit like Zito could make it in New York?

• Bobby Abreu won’t be traded. HOWEVA, I think Pat Burrell could be headed out of town, which could cause a temporary pause in cheese steak sales.

• Please, please, I’ll do anything you want baseball gods: don’t bring Reggie Sanders to the Bronx. If we have to get someone, then bring in Kevin Mench and his huge head. Things seem to be going well. Things are eerily reminiscent of last year and that worked out find. Sorta. Ok, it’s not ok for the Yankees to say “We won the pennant.” But at least the Red Sox didn’t win it. That’s always got a nice ring to it.

• Speaking of the Red Sox, it more a matter of who they’ll get at this point. They’ll be active hoping someone will take Matt Clement. Maybe Mike Lowell for Scott Linebrink.

On to other baseball related matters:

• Have you seen Frank Thomas’ numbers? The man can still play this game and is a surefire bet to be enshrined in Cooperstown.

• Francisco Liriano and Jered Weaver have been mighty impressive this season. Too bad neither will make the playoffs.

• Can we start a pool to guess how much Barry Bonds is paying his former trainer, Greg Anderson, to refuse to testify and sit in jail? With the new grand jury, his failure to cooperate could land him behind bars for a year. How much is that worth?

• And of course, a Kansas City update: they lost. Though Mike Sweeney turned 33 on Saturday and said he is eyeing a rehab assignment soon. Breathe easier Royals fans.

Other stuff:

• To me, what makes Tiger Woods so great is not the ball striking or the poise or the beautiful wife/nanny who I used to have some great nudie pics of, but his knowledge and respect of the game. He always saves his best for two tournaments: the Masters and the Open Championship. He knows these are the places where legends are born and his respect for the heritage of the game should not go unnoted.

• The Tour de France is over. How many hours of it did you watch this year? And please, round up. Even if it was only 15 minutes. On the last day, just so you could revel in seeing the French people have to watch yet another American win their event.

• Haven’t really loved the “lost” Chappelle Show episodes. The hosts are obnoxious. I feel like true Dave Chappelle fans shouldn’t watch it. Though the Monsters sketch was hilarious.

• I don’t know what’s worse: realizing that Bill Simmons and I will be cheering on the same EPL team (well, aside from Manchester United, who is still my favorite even without David Beckham and that slime Cristiano Ronaldo) or realizing that I could beat nearly everyone I watched compete on World Series of Popular Culture. Like I said, been watching a lot of VH1 lately.