Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda...

So I should be studying for my comp exams tomorrow but I’m not. I think should is the action word in that sentence. There are probably a lot of things I should be doing (or perhaps, should not be doing, but that’s for an entirely different  avenue mainly because I’m not paying you to listen to my thoughts nor am I sitting in a stuffy office with books about anxiety and other topics that lurk deeply in your closet but you’re too afraid to recognize or confront. Did I just reveal too much? Does it matter?)

          Getting back to things I should be doing: well, I should be paying more attention to baseball. I admit that I haven’t been very diligent this baseball season. I really could use a Casey Kasem-like DJ keeping me updated on the all the baseball news but that doesn’t exist. Well, it used to, when the late, great Mel Allen was around, with This Week in Baseball, but that’s long gone. Mainly because I just can’t see Ryan Seacrest portraying a washed-out stoner whose best friend is a dog and travels in a van solving crimes.

          What really got me started on my whole “I should be paying more attention to baseball” kick was when I noticed what Joe Mauer was hitting as we head into the all-star break. It freaked me out. I didn’t know whether I was looking at my latest cholesterol count or an actual batting average after 85 games. But of course, he’s not starting in the All-Star game because Pudge Rodriguez happens to anchor the best team in baseball, the same team who leads Mauer’s twins by 12 games in the standings. Hasn’t the home run frenzy of the past decade and a half taught us that the glory of the team is sacrificed for the exploits of the individual? What in the name of Brady Anderson is going on here?

          Elsewhere, on the same page I see Mauer resting in the Tony Gwynn/George Brett stratosphere I see the Braves 13 games out of 1^st place. They just endured their worst June since the 1950s and the streak of 1204954939394943394036784 consecutive division titles appears to finally be over. And to the Mets of all teams. Think about what life was like the last time the Braves didn’t win the division. We’ve had 3 Presidents. Some may say four. Some may say five. Or Six. Actually, that’d be seven but who’s counting. Maybe, just maybe, we could convince George Lucas to film Bobby Cox in Princess Leia garb and have a message sent to Obi-Won Mazzone. If it will help speed the process up, I have an R2D2 keg shell in my garage.

          Even the Royals are playing great right now. Well, not great, but a recent update of their chances of passing the 1962 Mets for the worst record ever seem to be lessening with each Mike Wood appearance. Or Mark Redman all-star  appearance. Ok, I lied. They still have the worst record in the American League.

          And of course, we have the 2006 All Star Game in Pittsburgh, where the beauty of the stadium overshadows the pall of another losing season of Buc-O baseball. Well, then I look at the same page with Joe Mauer and the Royals and the Braves and there is a Pirate leading the NL in batting average. And making the all star team. And his name is not Jason Bay, though he’s an all star as well. That Pirates’ name: Willie Stargell. Whoops. I meant Freddy Sanchez.

          So yeah, I should be studying for my exam tomorrow but I just can’t. Not when the Braves are finally losing. Or Joe Mauer is finally healthy and fulfilling the prophecy. Or the Pirates are fielding two all-stars when they have the worst record in baseball even though they have the league’s top hitter. But if this were the just the Royals languishing in the tepid waters of mediocrity, I’d be all right. I should hope so.