Yellow Roman Candles

You can say what you want, but the truth is we’ve never heard Rafael Palmeiro’s story. Who am I? I am he and he is glad that Mark McGwire is not in the Hall of Fame. And the fact that he’ll never get in makes my smile wider.

          But you what doesn’t make me happy? Barry Bonds. And the fact that the Big Three is no more. Completely. Why Billy Beane? Why? Also, no Goose, no Hawk in the Hall? Please. That gets me sad. It’s like Eric Show is the leading the voting crusade and Goose is just not getting his gander.

          So I’m back. No one cares. Neither do I. I fell somewhere in the woods and got lost. Like Bret Boone’s career. Or Tom Gordon. Wait. That sounds like a great book idea… and a terrible book.

          Barry Zito pitching for the Giants? I say 17 wins and an era under 3.50. Sammy Sosa playing with the Rangers? Again? Thank goodness Andy Pettite is back in Pinstripes. I want to see more of the new Diamondbacks’ jerseys.

          The Royals? You want to ask me about the Royals? They paid what a lot of teams would have for Gil Meche. Except they are the Royals and no one actually thought they’d do it. Everyone thought the blue jays would be that team that wasted their money. Otherwise, I think of them first as a loss team, as in “I think they’ll lose X games.” They’re an 80-90 loss team. Enjoy Reggie Sanders. Chicks dig the bat waggle.

          I’m jumping all over, like Bostonians were when they got this big Japanese pitcher who looks great on paper and may turn out fine, but how is that going to help Josh Beckett not throw so many home runs? And trading Manny? Please. That’s what gets me upset about Boston fans; this guy, in a way only he could, goes out and puts up those numbers and Red Sox fans would dance in the streets like David Bowie and Mick Jagger when he got traded, remembering only the antics and not the consistency. So please, trade him.

          Are the mariners, rockies, marlins and pirates still teams? What, we should be glad that Dontrelle Willis re-signed with the Phish? That just means he’ll be pitching for one of five teams next year.

          Yankees. Well, trading the Big Unit made sense. He fit in just like a mean, grouchy 6’10” person would in a city crammed with 8 million people. gone to Motown is sheffield.  They’ll probably get the Rocket back at some point but I am still not sure what to think of this team.

          Ok, I’m kidding. They’ll win the division again.

          Pitchers and catchers report on Feb. 15, which means another spring of me freezing in kansas instead of enjoying Lawn Seats, “Carlos Lee chants” and seeing outfielders with numbers like offensive lineman.  and you’ll notice i have stopped writing in capital letters.

          Is it wrong to make a comparison between Greg Maddux and Lute Olson? Ok, my mind is losing its steam, just like Lindsay Lohan checking into rehab. Does that make sense? I won’t say. I’m pulling a Raffy.