Well, from What I Heard...

My west coast bias apparently is not limited just to the Today Show.  I found that out today listening to ESPN Radio and their great “analyst” Jason Stark. I put it in “quotes” only because if I were speaking to you, I might be inclined to use air quotes when I said analyst about Jason Stark even though he is a baseball analyst and a pretty good one. Still, the west coast bias demands that I put some sort of hesitancy around his status.

          I think ESPN does a great job with baseball. They are the antithesis of the Today Show when covering the national pastime. They cover it all, from coast to coast. They are better than an East coast newspaper because it doesn’t really matter when the box scores come in because they’ll still have highlights and stats about the games, even if they are played when Tony Kornheiser and his brethren are fast asleep.

          Except for spring training. I don’t know who was the emcee on the radio show that I heard Stark on today, but eventually the topic of the Chicago White Sox came up. You remember them? They won the World Series two years ago, with a manager who would put Earl Weaver to shame (Well, I do agree with his thoughts on certain windy city columnists, but that’s beside the point). The emcee wanted to know what he thought of Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle. Stark’s response: Well, I haven’t been to the cactus league but from I heard…

          I stopped listening at this point. I was livid. Here is ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports and one of their top analysts and he hasn’t been to one of only two places that spring training is held. It struck me as odd because I know Peter Gammons, whom I will not besmirch in any way, and Buster Olney had also not been either. They stay in phlorida because Peter Gammons is a Red Sox guy and Buster is a Yankees guy. I can understand them not coming. But Stark? I can’t figure that out.

          Instead, the cactus league gets Pedro Gomes and his incessant trailing of Barry Bonds, just like those fish that swim with sharks,******** up whatever morsels are left. So he’s immediately worthless. And yet arizona is home to so many teams during spring training, with more teams moving out there each year (the Dodgers whom have a town named after them in Florida are supposedly considering the move) that all we’re left with is the scraps that ESPN can think to send out. I know air travel can be troublesome, but I’ve been to phlorida and it’s humid, muggy and not a single person there knows how to drive. Plus, the distances between venues can be very far.

          So, in honor of ESPN’s decision to reinforce my belief that the west coast is shat upon in the greater schemes of things, I am going to write about the American league not as a weather report, but as I would imagine Jayson Stark would talk about them, having never seen any of them play. And I’m not paid to write about it either.

EAST

-- Yankees Wang starts the season on the DL and Pettite, while finally back in pinstripes, is no longer the guy New Yorkers came to love. The lineup is incredible. I don’t care what he does, Alex Rodriguez will never be a Yankee. I think they’ll be better because the angry sheff and his attitude are gone. They’ll probably win the division and no one will be surprised.

--

Boston

I feel like this team is a sinking ship trying to plug more holes than they got fingers. Andrew Dice-K will probably be good, but what if he’s not? What if he’s Josh Beckett reincarnate, serving home runs at a relentless pace? Schilling has worn out his welcome. JD Drew will be next. There is still enough talent to win here, but I have my concerns that this franchise will forever play in 2004’s shadow.

--

Baltimore

They got Tejada and Brian Roberts and seven other dudes. Let’s see if Nick Markakis keeps it up over a full season. Obi Wan Mazzone will be hard pressed to work his wonders with retreads Steve Trachsel and Jaret Wright, despite their history together. Chris Ray provides one of hope in the bullpen, but in this division, they will always be looking up.

--

Toronto

I do not like John Gibbons. I don’t think he could win with the Yankees payroll. I am as big a fan of Frank Thomas as anyone, but the Big Gets Hurt does exactly that this year after his rebirth in the bay. I am not a Troy Glaus fan. Their rotation is decent, with Halladay and Burnett (if healthy), and BJ Ryan is fine, but I think this team has as much good karma as the world has for the country that just wants nuclear weapons because it wants to feel like a big boy.

--

Tampa

Does it matter what I write. If they win 80 games, it’s a success. That’s never a good thing with a franchise. Kazmir is a nice pitcher. After that, it’s Nicole Ritchie thin. A bunch of young faces like Upton, Delmon the Bat Throwing Young and a Japanese Import (Akinori Iwamura) provide hope that they can beat out the oreos for fourth place. What a goal.

Central

-- Cleveland This team laid an egg last year and better not this year. Not if they don’t want to see their lake burn again. Too much talent here with Sizemore, Peralta (who was awful last year) Hafner, Victor Martinez. Even with Spliff Lee starting the season on the DL, the staff with Cream Cheese and Westbrook is pretty talented. A decent pen makes this team a threat.

--

Minnesota

As opposed to Gibbons, I love Ron Gardenhire. I think he’s great, a guy who plays to win, not to get into fights with his pitchers in the clubhouse. Castillo and Punto are great table setters for Morneau, Mauer and Hunter. Losing Liriano hurts here because after Santana, I am concerned because no fan wants to go to the ballpark thinking “Sidney Ponson is pitching tonight.” Still, a great bullpen saves the day for the team that keeps on doing things no one expects of them.

--

Detroit

A solid team. Just like 80 percent of the division. The angry sheff gives them a threat. An entire season with Sean Casey also should be a threat, mostly to the guys who get on in front of him. I like Bonderman, but I think Kenny Rogers gets roasted. Zumaya takes over Todd Jones after five blown saves before June 1. Jim Leyland is one of the game’s best, so I think they’ll compete. Just like 80 percent of the division.

-- Southside Does this mean I think they’ll finish fourth? Nope. Like everyone else, they could finish anywhere. Solid lineup, though I think Thome can’t keep this up, can he? I also see Dye somewhat cooling off, though this ballpark is a hitter’s paradise. Their front four is the best in the division and that’s after losing Freddy Garcia. The bullpen is the key. Just ask Jayson Stark.

--

Kansas City

What pains me here is that if you switch this team with the brew crew, they probably beat the Nati and the bucs in the division standings. This team is on the rise, though prior regimes left a deep hole. Teahen is great and Gordon should fulfill promises. I think their rotation is on the upswing. I think what they paid for Gil Meche is what a lot of teams would have paid. Dotel was a great pick up. This team should be fun to watch. It’s just they’re stuck in the best division in baseball.

AL West

--

Oakland

I wonder if Harden and Bobby Crosby bet on which will get hurt first every year. Billy Beane knows what he’s doing, I think. At least that’s what I read. Dan Johnson needs to rebound quickly. Piazza is interesting. I think a loss no one is talking about is Ron Washington, their former third base coach, now the manager for w’s old team. Great young pitching, both rotation and bullpen wise. This team will contend till the final day unless Eric Chavez keeps forgetting who he is.

--

Anaheim

I will always refer to them as that city. Vlad is still the impaler. Howie Kendrick is on everyone’s lips, but they’ve quietly rebuilt in several positions. The rotation is iffy. The bullpen is not. Scioscia is a good manager. Contenders, yes. Division Champs, tough call.

--

Texas

If you didn’t pick up my Ron Washington scent in the oaktown, then reread it and come back. The middle of their lineup is the most fearsome in the division in a ballpark that loves runs more than it loves oil. Sosa is a risk worth taking. Getting Brandon McCarthy from the southside gives them a solid top-three and Gagne is a fascinating story as the season progresses. I still say third, maybe fourth.

--

Seattle

They come close to the a’s as far as their rotation. It’s better than it appears, with King Felix leading the way. And the lineup isn’t that bad either. Ichiro is still great. Sexon, not so much. Same with Beltre. Oh, and the addition of Jose Guillen isn’t as bad as it looks. This team did play with Carl Everett last year. That guy doesn’t think dinosaurs exist. Putz has a bad name for a closer, and worse, elbow problems. Playing in that ballpark, they could win a lot of games. A sleeper.

My picks to click:

-- NL Shea, the team that celebrates beer by having their mascot slide into a vat of it after a home run, brooklyn and Mylanta

--

AL

the pinstripes, oaktown, the mistake by the mi-lake and the twinkies

-- World Series: king george over LA…Reggie comes back to hit three more.